The Seals That Took It All
by NoOneShallKnow
Summary: Dean does the only thing he knows how, the only thing he was trained to do; sacrifice everything for those he loves, for the whole of humanity.
1. I still was a mad man

I was sitting in the middle of a large field. The last two seals were being broken at that very moment, and it felt like the earth was weeping underneath me. I ran my hands through the smooth bright green grass, watching the blades dying slowly all throughout the clearing.

This was were Lucifer was supposed to rise, and I was waiting for him. Sam and Castiel didn't know that I was here, both too busy gathering the Angelic troops to fight against the demons that were clawing their way out of hell, tearing through the gates all over the place and coming here.

I wasn't worried anymore. No humans or Angels would be dying here, and the demons would be sent back to hell along with their leader. Ruby would be forgiven by God, and she and Sam could have the life they wanted together. Castiel would be able to return to heaven with his brothers and sisters and finally meet his Father, and all would be well in the world.

I knew all this, because I had found a way to stop Lucifer. It was all simple now, and I couldn't guess why I had never been able to find this information earlier.

The way the ritual was written in the book made it seem like some sort of prophecy. We needed the blood of the Holy Chosen One; that was me. We needed the blood of the Traitorous Demon; that was Ruby. We needed the blood of the Unknowing Angel; that was Anna. We needed the blood of the Demon Who Started It All; we took some blood from Sam and Ruby managed to get some of 'ole Yellow Eyes' blood out of it. We needed a feather from the TwoFaced Angel; that was Uriel.

We had to mix all that blood together in a Crystal Vial and let it sit for 7 hours on the edge of hallowed grounds. We then had to burn the feather and stir its ashes into it.

I was sitting in the middle of a circle that could easily fit half a dozen full grown elephants in it. I could barely recognize half the symbols, as most of them were demon symbols that Ruby had had to do so that it wouldn't mess with the ritual. They were spread out in the circle, instead of being drawn along the edges like most rituals. The mix of blood and ashes had been poured over the symbols.

Even with all that bloodletting, the next part was what made me slightly nauseous. The smell of the flowers was almost sickening, and they burned me from the inside.

The cut on my chest over my heart was stuffed with white, yellow and red Yarrow flowers. The one over my left eyebrow had a thin strip of Rosemary pushed into the slit and it made my eyes water at the sting. The hole just under my ribs was filled with the petals of a pink Cyclamen and those of a pale purple Iris.

Yarrow for Healing, Rosemary for Remembrance, Cyclamen for Resignation and Goodbye, Iris for Faith and Hope.

Ruby had made sure that the flowers wouldn't fall from the cuts by putting some of her blood around them, which had sealed them halfway. I didn't think it would work, but it did and we had made sure it wouldn't affect the ritual in any way.

From within the circle I could feel the planet fighting against the demons. It was failing, and it made my chest ache in a strange way. I could only guess that I had a connection with the earth, me being it's saviour and all. I could almost hear her whispering my name, pleading me to save her and restore her to her former glory.

"Soon, don't worry.." I whispered, laying my hands flat into the dead grass at my sides.

I could hear Sam, Castiel and the others in the distance, rushing to me quickly. They seemed confused when Ruby stopped them from coming to close to the circle, but my reassuring smile seemed to calm them. They stood tall, their chins held high with the pride of the Holy Army. One of them stood out more than the rest, and it took me a moment to realize that it was because he was taller than Sam.

It was Michael the Archangel. He stood by Castiel and Sam, his eyes surveying the area sharply. He was looking at the symbols he could see from where he was, and I could tell there was some he didn't know or couldn't make out. That was good; this way he wouldn't know what I was planning on doing.

Ruby's loud gasp drew all eyes to her. She was looking back with wide, panicked eyes.

"They're here!" just as she yelled out, the ground on the other side of my circle started trembling and caving in, separating to let out the demons. Hoards of horrible looking creatures came out first, and then the demons came. They suddenly appeared in human bodies that they had summoned, their eyes pure black or red with bloodlust.

Then, under the eyes of Angel and Demons alike, the ground within my circle split. The earth's voice in my ears exclaimed in exhausted panic as Lucifer rose onto her plains, his silvery red eyes dark with malicious intent.

"If it isn't Dean Winchester! And Michael too, how delightful. I can get rid of both of you in one go, and then move onto dear little Sammy and his Demon Whore, tear his throat out and force her to eat it. Then, maybe I'll tear pretty Castiel's wings off slowly and let my Hell Hounds feast on him. Would you like that, Dean? To know that the people you care about most will suffer and that it will be All. Your. Fault?" Lucifer smirked and let his eyes run over the group of Warriors on my side.

I heard Ruby give an enraged hiss and Sam's demonish growl. I felt the Angels tense and Michael grit his teeth. Castiel was shifting his feet, ready to lunge on command. It all felt like vibrations under my skin, urging me to get this over with and prevent all the unnecessary death that loomed above us.

"Say what you want," I started. "It won't bother me. You won't even be able to get out of this circle, let alone kill anyone here besides your own foolish troops. Try all you want, I'll just sit back and watch you fail!" I pushed myself to my feet, feeling the strength from the earth fading more and more. I needed to save her and her inhabitants.

Lucifer just cocked his head and turned to the side, facing one edge of my circle. He reached a hand out to touch it and let out a pained scream when it sent shocks of violent pain through him. I knew what it could do, I'd had to test it after all.

"See, I told you that you wouldn't be able to escape it. You might as well give up, because you won't win this fight or the war. You'll be banish back to hell where you should've stayed." I said, my words almost swallowed by the pressure of the shocked gazes from both sides.

"What have you done, Filth!?" he demanded, his furious eyes turned on me.

"Nothing, I only drew a circle. What's so special about that?" I teased, a smirk stretching my lips.

"Nothing can confine me! I'm a superior being, a former Archangel and leader of Hell! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" he bellowed, the earth beneath us shaking with the force. His demons backed away slightly and my Angels stepped forward, all watching us cautiously.

"Oh nothing much. How 'bout we just fight and see who wins? Y'know, the way it would've been anyway, just without the interfering demons." I tilted my head, by brow arched.

My answer came in the form of a silent command; the demons rushed forward and slipped around the circle, simple blurs as they sped past. As soon as they crossed over to our side though, their bodies stilled.

Lucifer glared at me heatedly and threw his arm to the side, sending me flying into the wall of the circle. I bounced off it and landed on my feet, the flowers inside the many slits in my flesh melding and burning. I straightened up and gave my own silent command; the Angels drew their Holy weapons and tore through the demon souls and Sam forced them out with Ruby at his side to contain the injured demons.

I crouched back and lunged at Lucifer, slamming into him and sending him into the wall. He screamed and fell to the ground, writhing with the aftershocks.

I felt power thrumming through me. Some was from the earth, and I thanked her, but the rest was foreign and felt strange inside of me. I lifted my hand and looked at it; there was electricity running over my skin in waves, crackling inaudibly. Under my curious gaze, flames erupted from my pores and curled up before vanishing.

I grinned as Lucifer stood.

He rushed at me but I dodged him quickly, slamming my hand into his ribs and pushing the fire and electricity into him. I held it there until he bit savagely into my arm, tearing muscle and nerve into confetti. I pulled more Cyclamen petals from my pocket and forced them into the wounds.

Outside the circle, Sam and the Angels were helping Ruby contain the demons. She was panting and her eyes were half lidded as the souls struggled. They were crowded around her but every pair of eyes was on me.

"Time to end this, you piece of shit!" I growled, pushing Lucifer to the far side of the circle. He clutched at his ribs and stared at me.

"You wanna know what I did? I found a way to send you back to hell and keep you and your scum demons there for the next 679 centuries! Precise, huh? You should recognize some of these symbols, they are demonic after all! The rest are Angelic, and they will help me destroy you." I laughed and he growled.

I pulled two daggers from my belt and unsheathed them, dropping the plain black cases to the ground. The light emanating from the army of Angels glinted on the sharp edges and I smiled. I was gonna save them all.

"You see these blades, bitch? Pretty, ain't they? Wanna know what they're made of?" I saw Ruby smirk out of the corner of my eye. "Melted silver and gold, mixed with holy water and melted Holy crystals. Two drops of blood were put into each; mine and Ruby's. She's also the one who carved the symbols on the blades. Time for you to die, Lucifer."

"You really think that'll kill me?" he scoffed and laughed.

I just shook my head and kneeled down. I bent and kissed the earth, hearing her begging weakening until it was inaudible. I crossed myself and kissed both blades.

I felt and saw the Angels watching me in shock and horror and the vibrations under my skin intensified. I reached into my pocket again and pulled out a wad of leaves. Acacia and Black Rose petals wrapped up in Bay Leaf and Eucalyptus leaves. I pushed the hilts of the daggers against each other and they clicked together.

I laid my hand on the wall of the circle and looked out at my friends and the Angels. I rested my eyes on Castiel before I backed away.

"I love you, Cas." I said loud enough for them all to here me before I shoved the bundle into my mouth and swallowed.

I held the handle of the double sided dagger, one point facing me as I rushed forward and slammed into Lucifer. He shrieked in pure agony. The demons disappeared and his form started flickering as my blood ran over his wound. He vanished and I fell to the ground, the blade digging deeper into the left side of my chest as blood rushed from my mouth.

I heard distant yells and felt the circle's power fade. The earth was thanking me, weeping for my sacrifice.

"I..i l-lo…"

Bay Leaf for Strength, Eucalyptus for Protection, Acacia for Secret Love… Black Rose petals for Death.


	2. There'll be no Angels gracing the lines

My eyes widened and I stumbled back in shock. The grip I had on my dagger loosened and I heard the dull thump as it hit the ground. He..he loved me? My bottom lip quivered and I ground my teeth together hard, my eyes darkening. He loved me. He was rushing at Lucifer, the point of the blade digging into his chest. He was dying..

"Dean.. DEAN!?" I yelled as his body slammed against Lucifer's. I lunged forward and smashed my fists against the wall of Dean's circle, the invisible and seemingly indestructible force rippling under the impact.

"Dean, NO!" I heard the blood gushing from his wound, the soft gasp that escaped his parted, bloody lips. I saw his lips stretch back into a smile as Lucifer vanished along with his troops, his body falling heavily onto the earth.

The barrier lost its power and I fell to my knees as the earth started healing herself. The pained scream of his name that tore from my throat was long and loud and hard and I thought it was close to breaking through into my true voice. I felt tears pooling in my eyes and slipping slowly down my cheeks, felt the way they ran over every single miniscule pore, felt the way they burned me from the inside out. Michael moved forward behind me and cradled me to his chest, whispering words of comfort that didn't make it through my fog of pain.

Sam and Ruby and some of the Angels were rushing towards Dean. I saw the tears trailing from Sam's eyes and I hung my head. He had more reason to cry then I. Hell Hounds had taken his brother away and he was forced to live without him for months [years] and just as soon as he had gotten him back, he was losing him again.

As Sam fell to his knees and reached out to touch him, a bright light erupted from Dean's body. Even I had to shield my eyes. When the light faded, Dean was still lying there, but all his injuries had been healed. There were faint scars where the wounds had been, and the marks my hands had left on him when I pulled him from perdition were still red on his sickly pale skin. The weapon he had used to end the Apocalypse was planted in the ground beside him, still stained with his blood.

The grass and flowers started regaining their life, growing at a rate that normally would've taken weeks. Around Dean's fallen form, the flowers were bigger and brighter, the grass longer and greener. The earth was making him eternal in her soul.

It all felt wrong. I couldn't feel Dean's soul like I previously had. It always felt warm and sorrowed like the Sun and the Moon, always smelt like cinnamon and vanilla. Its absence made my chest ache like it never had before, and my throat tightened.

Michael's arms left me and he went to join the others. He started talking quickly with our brothers and sisters and Sam and Ruby, who were holding each other tightly through their tears.

I let myself drop sideways into the grass. A cluster of Rosemary and Acacia grew near my face and I clenched my eyes shut tightly. My tears fell faster and seemed to make the flowers grow. They glowed faintly and I rubbed my fingertips over them.

Dean was gone. I wouldn't be able to see him again. I had lost the one creature I had ever loved more than my Father, and I would never be able to prove to him that he was worthy of being loved. I would never get to hold him in my arms. I would never feel his lips on mine. I would never see his beautiful green eyes staring back into mine while we made love. I would never get to be with him.

He would never see my wings. He would never get to hear me say that I loved him too. He would be caught in a web, thinking that I didn't care for him as he cared for me.

But I did. Lord knows I did and always had and always would, even after the many centuries left to my life span would pass. He would fill all my thoughts until the day my Father replaced me with a better creation, a son more worthy of his love than I.

I couldn't even protect one human, the one I loved with every fibre of my being. Why would he want me know? I had let him down, let everyone down.

I could see that in the way Sam was looking at me. His eyes were filled to the brim with fury and sadness and hatred. I could tell that he wanted to kill me, and if it wasn't for Ruby holding him back I knew the Angels would let him do with me as he pleased. Ruby was looking at me with a deep sorrow etched onto her now human features. She had known how much I loved Dean. My Father had forgiven her; He loved her more than He loved me at this moment.

I had cost them all Dean, let him be taken away. The earth seemed to be the only one willing to give me any comfort, and I buried my face in the flowers that she was nourishing around me. They weren't as bright or emotional as the ones surrounding Dean, but they were still more emotion filled than the others.

Vines and flowers grew over me; she was embracing me, and I could here her melodic voice echoing in my ears.

"Sam.." I whispered and his eyes met mine. Ruby reluctantly let go of him and moved off to speak with Michael as he made his way over to me. He stopped a few feet away and sat in the grass, his head bowed.

"I'm not going to kill you, Castiel."

It felt like my heart stopped. My despair was painfully sharp as it raced along my nerves. My chest jerked with a low sob.

"No, Cas. Dean loved you, and I won't kill you. I hate you right now, but I'm not letting you do this and you won't be able to coax me into it." he growled defiantly and stood once more, going back over to the group.

Another scream tore from me, this one tainted in pure agony as I tore myself away from the earth's embrace. A shimmer of light caught my eye; a demon weapon lay forgotten in the grass a few feet away. I knew it could kill me. I picked it up and smiled. It was burning through the flesh of my hand and I welcomed the pain.

I hid the blade under my trench coat and moved past my brothers and sisters to drop down beside Dean. I laid back and rolled onto my side, brushing my fingertips over his cheek. He had died with a smile, and that thought made my sobs come harder. They were all watching me now, but I didn't care.

I pulled the blade out and went to shove it into my own heart, but Michael and Ruby were on me in seconds, knocking it away. Sam took it and it shattered in his grasp. My brothers and sisters were looking at me with pained and horrified expressions.

Ruby pushed Michael away from me and laid her hand on my cheek. I stared up at the cloudless sky, my eyes blank. I was shaking all over, my mouth dry and my heart weak.

"Cas, don't. We're gonna find his soul and then you'll have him back. You just need to wait. You can stay here, we'll make sure no humans will find this field."

She placed a soft kiss on my forehead before Michael touched her shoulder and they were all gone, leaving my alone in the field with Dean's lifeless body. I think they were aiming to torture me.


	3. Love is more than verses on Valentines

Two weeks had passed, and I hadn't left Dean's side once. I laid beside him in the grass, flowers and plants growing over and around us. Even if this field was visible to the humans, they wouldn't have been able to see us.

I hadn't eaten since the day of the battle. I couldn't bring myself to care that my vessel needed the nourishment and the sleep, I spent all my time watching Dean and holding him and waiting, just waiting for Michael to come and tell me that they couldn't find him and that I had to leave. I never wanted to leave his side. He had lost his soul, but he was still Dean.

I found myself wishing his heart was beating, because then I could be sure that we'd be able to settle his soul back into his body. I wish I could lay my head on his chest and feel it moving beneath me, feel the breath escaping his lungs. But he hadn't moved, not even a twitch to assure me that his nerves were still functioning.

It was surprising to me that my vessel could still produce tears, and even more that I could feel its heart aching in my chest. It felt as though this body was mine, but I knew it was impossible. It was just my emotions making it seem that way.

My right hand was over the print it had left on him and I felt a small constant tingle. I knew that if his soul was still inside of him that it'd feel like a euphoric burn. I just wished that I had dared to touch the marks before Lucifer's rising.

I found myself singing to him often, never really realizing I was doing it until whichever song I had chosen ended. There was always a painful echo of silence in the field that worsened when my voice trailed off. It comforted me in a way, and I felt that maybe the earth was comforted by it too.

I could feel the love she held for Dean. He was, after all, the one who had always been destined to save her, and she had known it since the moment he was conceived. They had always held a special connection that only made itself known near the end, when Dean had finally been able to hear her speaking to him, begging him to end her suffering and save them all.

She had never wanted to lose him like she did. She knew I didn't want to lose him either, and I knew that she had been trying to warn me in the moments before it had happened. My ears had been deafened to her voice, and only after had I heard her weeping at the loss of him. Her love for him seemed to carry on to me as she wrapped me up in her motherly embrace. I felt safe here in the clearing, my only company being nature and my loves lifeless corpse.

Because that's exactly what he was. He didn't have a soul, and his heart and stopped beating. He did it all to save us, the Angels and the Humans who had made him suffer. It made me want to damn the whole world, made me want to smite them with my Angelic powers.

Which, as I had found out, didn't work on those of our kind. It was hard to find the will and the urge to smite yourself, but even if you did it wouldn't have any effect. I forced it upon myself day in and day out, but it never did anything but jolt me further into my anguish.

My Father had assigned some of my brothers and sisters to watch over me, and every time I tried to off myself they would show up and lecture me. They had to have know that I wasn't fully aware of them, nor the words they spoke. But by the movements of their lips, they always said the same thing because they knew I wouldn't hear it any ways.

They never seemed to notice that my vessel was slowly dying, though. I guess my Father thought I would want it to stay healthy so that I would be okay when Dean was back. The thing was that I really didn't think I would be getting him back. I would be left here for a few more weeks just watching over him, and then when they would come back and tell me to leave my vessel will have died.

My Father didn't seem to remember that the death of an Angel's vessel deeply effects them. Depending on why the vessel died, the Angel could be broken beyond repair. Even for an Angel of the lord.

I was already broken though, because I didn't have Dean. He was the one truly constant thing that I had in my life, because as the earth had, I had been watching over him since the moment he was conceived. He was my responsibility.

I had never planned to fall in love with him over the years. It happened early on in his life though. I had always felt some sort of deeply rooted affection for him, but it wasn't until he was 15 and he had gotten beat up by three older boys to protect Sam that I realized that I truly loved him.

I had perfected my mask though, and not even my Father seemed to have known that I loved Dean the whole time. The earth had realized it though, the first time I had stepped onto her plains since his birth. And she had accepted the love I held for her most important inhabitant, because she hadn't banished me back to Heaven.

No one dared visit me other than for my lectures, and then it was usually only one of the lower class Angels. That's why I was surprised when Michael stepped up to me and dropped into the grass near my head.

"Castiel, you need to take care of your vessel or it will die." Oh, so they _had_ noticed it.

"I really don't care.." I mumbled, tightening my grip on Dean. The vine holding my hand there shifted and grew bigger and I almost smiled.

"Castiel. That was not a request, it was an order. I am above you, you shall obey it." He said sharply. Did he really think I'd listen to him now?

"No I won't, Michael. We lost Dean, _I _lost Dean! My vessel isn't important to me now. I'd rather be dead or as close to it as I can get rather than be without him! It's our fault Dean is gone. We were supposed to _protect_ him, not cost him his life!"

"Rub-"

"Ruby has absolutely nothing to do with it! She didn't know he was going to sacrifice himself, or didn't you see her crying for him? I should have been stronger, I shouldn't have left his side, I-"

"CASTIEL! Stop this now!" He was moving towards me now, a glare set on his face. He barely made it halfway before vines were shooting at him, taking his arms in a vice grip. He tried to pull away, but the grip tightened and I heard one of his vessel's arms break under the pressure.

Soon I was alone again and the vines were cradling me as I cried, my body shaking violently. I moved closer to Dean and the vines shifted with me as I buried my face in his arm.

"What hurts the most, is being so close, and havin' so much to say…and watchin' you walk away…and never knowin' what could have been, and not seein' that lovin' you was what I was tryin' to do.."

I couldn't remember the rest of the song through the fog of my mind. Tears were soaking through the sleeve of Dean's bloody shirt, my sobs shaking his limp form. I looked up at his face and closed my eyes tightly, not being able to bare it. Apparently Angels could, in fact, blink. Only under extreme emotion, but they could all the same.

It was hard to think that I was feeling all these new emotions and discovering these new things all because I had lost the love of my life, the only thing that had made it worth it in all the years since I had been created.

He had been the only I really cared about, and I had lost him for no reason. We could have beaten Lucifer without his sacrifice. Sadly, I knew that if that had happened I would've never known that Dean loved me as I loved him.

Was it worth it? Losing him but knowing that he loved me, or never knowing and have him alive and breathing, continuing on the hunt with Sam and Ruby at his sides?

Another smiting attempt and one of my sisters appeared next to me with a faint sound of fluttering wings. She was young and gentle, but I didn't hear or see her. She left with what I guessed was a sigh.

Dean..


	4. A broken heart that the world forgot

My eyes were open but I couldn't see. It was as if someone had turned off all the lights on the planet, or disconnected the retinas in my eyes. I could feel my eyelids moving over my eyeballs as I blinked, but the blackness remained the same, never changing.

I could feel my chest expanding as if I were breathing, but there was nothing making it into my lungs and I felt confusion overtake me. My body was trying to breathe by reflex, but it felt strange and I wanted it to go away. I forced my lungs to stop sucking the air in like a child would puff their cheeks out to get rid of their hiccups, and it felt natural now.

I was moving but I could see nothing. I didn't know when I had started walking or how long I had been doing it, but the next time I blinked I could see. I was standing in a cemetery, surrounded by pillars with sculptures of Angels perched on them. Crosses were everywhere, in all shapes and sizes. I kept walking, my eyes flying over every surface.

I stopped in my tracks and felt my self start breathing again only for the nonexistent air to catch in my throat. I had reached a part of the cemetery that I had never seen anywhere else, not even those big, well taken care of ones that all the richer people got buried in. On the bottom of this small hill, the ground was covered in white and pink granite. The sculptures there were bigger and at least a hundred times more beautiful than the ones near the center. I stepped onto the granite floor and sat in the middle, observing the statues.

They weren't as beautiful as any of the Angels I had met, though. Well, maybe Uriel because he was an ugly fuck.

And those thoughts of Angels made me want to scream and tear through the ground to find them again. Because if they hadn't already found me –or what I guessed was my soul- then I didn't think they'd be finding me anytime soon. My hands grabbed at the stone for purchase as I thought of one of them in particular.

Castiel. What was he doing? Was he moving on with his life, already assigned to watch over another human or being promoted to Archangel? Did he hate me because of my confession? Did he wish he had never 'gripped me tight and raised me from perdition', to use his own words? Did he wish I was still in hell torturing souls?

Had he abandoned his vessel in the field where my own body surely lay?

The thought of brought tears to my eyes. To think that I had fallen so deep into love with him in such a short time, when he had my whole life prior to do it and hadn't. It's not like I expected him to love me back. Why would an Angel love a pitifully repulsive human?

Because really, that's all I was. I couldn't protect my family, I hadn't lived up to my father's expectations of me. I had failed him, failed Mom, failed Sammy, failed Bobby. I had broken after thirty years in the pit, when my father had lasted more than double the time that I did without breaking once, probably hadn't even _considered_ taking Alistair up on his offer.

And that, _that_ made imaginary bile rise up to the back of my mouth, and if I had been in my body I would've been bent over and retching on the ground. I was supposed to be strong, to keep Sammy safe, but how could I do that when I had broken?

And now, I wasn't even there with him after the battle. I didn't know if he was hurt, what he was doing, if he and Ruby had decided to be together in the open, if Ruby had been forgiven. I hoped with everything that I had that God had given her a second chance, because she sincerely deserved it. She was the kind of person who should have the right to prove themselves, and she had by fighting with us against her own race.

Time felt like it was moving sluggishly, stuck on slow motion like in the movies when it takes them a minute to do what would have taken seconds. I knew time had to be moving faster than normal, though. I was a spirit and I was alone, so of course time would pass slow. I had nothing to protect. But one of those Spirits from back in Minnesota had told me that twelve hours for us was a week for mortals.

Sometimes, it was almost as if I could hear the Angels speaking. They weren't speaking to me, but I could feel their voices on my skin. Most of the time it was Castiel. He sounded so broken. It was my imagination making me hear him sing to comfort me, making it seem as if he missed me and he was sad that my soul had been ripped from its casing.

He couldn't, though. Because that would mean that he loved me, and I was more than sure that he didn't. I didn't deserve it, deserved nothing better than being sent back into the pits of hell to be tortured until the day Hell was purified. And then, then they would decide that my soul was too ugly and tainted and would destroy me along with Lucifer. I didn't deserve the love of such a wonderful, innocent, pure, _divine_ creature.

Castiel was above divine. He was perfection at its best, and even better than that. And just because I loved him, I wasn't at all biased. You could ask anyone one on this earth who believed in the existence of God and his warriors and they would tell you of their perfection. Castiel was the most beautiful of all.

Anna had told me that every once in a while God would create a human to fit one of his Angels, their beauty albeit toned down a great deal. It was in case said Angel needed to go to earth. Jeffrey Krushnic had been made for Castiel. I could just imagine how beautiful his true form must be, going by what his vessel looked like.

He was too beautiful and pure to be with tainted scum like me.

I barely realized that tears were steadily dripping down my face until I blinked and felt my eyelashes clump together at the touch of the salty moisture. The stinging at the back of my eyes was sharp and dry, and I tried to blink away my tears.

I had to wonder why I was feeling everything like this. Since I was in my circle before the battle, I had felt everything sharper, with strong emotions behind everything. Just a brush of my fingers over the granite sent tingles up my arm and to my ribs, making them tremble. The touch of one of my finger tips to the grass growing out from between the large slabs of stone probably would've made me feel euphoric had it not been for my urge to die for good.

At that second, if I had been a dog, my ears would've perked up and I would've looked around curiously. But, seeing as I was simply the lowly Dean Winchester, I dropped my head into my hands and started sobbing. A rose bush from the edge of the granite grew out and its smooth stems wrapped around my middle, the colourful blooms resting over my shoulders.

"_What hurts the most, is being so close, and havin' so much to say…and watchin' you walk away…and never knowin' what could have been, and not seein' that lovin' you was what I was tryin' to do.."_

It sounded like Cas, even though I knew it was in my head. The voice sounded broken, beaten down. If I was there, and if it was real, I would wrap him up in my arms and hold him tight until his own tears dried up. Such a beautiful creature, an Angel of the Lord, should never cry, especially over a stupid disgusting human like me. If he loved me, I would give him everything I had. My heart, my soul, my mind, my _life_.

Even though he already had it all, it wasn't official and he didn't know and I wish he did so much and it hurt so bad to love him. I wanted to be with him forever, until the end of **his** natural life. He had been with me since I was born, and I –very childishly- wanted him to be there until the end of it. I knew he didn't want to, and after what I said he probably wished he had the right to end my life.

Or maybe that was just me. And every Demon and Ghost I had sent back to Hell or Heaven over the years. And Sam. And Dad, and Mom and Grandpa and Grandma..

If I hadn't been a spirit, I would've found a sharp piece of broken stone and stabbed myself or slashed my throat or something that would've made me suffer more before my demise. The roses tightened their hold on me, as if the earth could actually feel my emotions. I was sure that she could, and I tried to smile to reassure her.

By the way they flowers tightened all the more, she knew I was faking. I brushed my fingertips over the soft blue petals of one of the blooms and turned my head to kiss them, feeling gentle vibrations against my lips that were supposed to be comforting.

In any other situation, they would have been. If I hadn't failed everyone on the planet, if I hadn't failed the people I cared for the most in the universe, she would have made me happy. If I could be with Castiel, I would be happy.

If I died, I would be happy.

One day had passed for me. I found myself wondering what they had been doing for the past two weeks.

"Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding.. fall into your sunlight.. the future's open wide, beyond believing, to know why hope dies.. losing what was found, a world so hallow.. suspended in a compromise.. the silence of the sound, will soon be followed.. somehow, sun down.."


	5. I see the future that we don't have

Another day had passed for me. Another week had passed for Ruby, for Bobby, for _Sam_. They weren't looking for me, because if they were I would've been back with them by now. It shouldn't have been this hard to find me. Sam, _Sam_ should have guessed where my soul was, just as Bobby should've.

Lawrence, Kansas. It was where I was born, where Mom had died. It was where we had still been the first time Dad had hit me. It was where we had been when I vowed to protect Sammy with everything I had. It was where I had sat in the back seat of the Impala with six months old Sammy cradled in my arm and sang him to sleep for the first time.

After all I had done to protect my little brother, I had still failed him. By letting him leave for Stanford without a proper goodbye, by not letting him mourn the loss of Jess like he should've, by letting him die, by making the deal to bring him back, by going to hell the year after, by killing myself to defeat Lucifer.

I had moved from my spot on the granite floors. The Angels were mocking me, laughing at my pain, and I couldn't bear it because I knew that that's what the real Angels were probably doing too. What _Castiel_ was probably doing.

Now I was laying in the grass beside a headstone made out of black and blue granite. The bight sun was shinning over its surface and the name brought me even more pain. I supposed I had been unconsciously looking for it, even though my mind was still clouded by the loss of my physical body. As soon as I had seen it, I had fallen to my knees and crawled towards it to lay there. That had been hours [days] ago.

"Mommy.. I miss you so much.." I mumbled, tracing my fingers over the grooves in the stone that spelled out her name.

I hadn't cried for her since I had been laying here. I had done that enough in the years after her death. Now, I was trying to dig up memories I had of her, but I couldn't find much. There was two that stood out in my mind, and I actually smiled. I could see everything in the memory with sharper detail; every pore, every curve, every little spec of dust that became visible in the sunlight.

The first one was when I came home from my first day of preschool. Mom had made chocolate chip cookies for me, and there was a plate of them sitting on the table with a glass of milk. We had eaten them while we talked about my day, and then she said she had wonderful news for me. She said I was gonna be a big brother, and I had actually squealed, yes _squealed_, and left a big chocolaty kiss on her belly. I had been overprotective of her since that day.

The second was May 2, 1983. I was sitting in my preschool classroom playing with the little toy cars when Bobby had rushed into the room with a big happy grin on his face. He talked to my teacher for a minute before picking me up. We left to go out to his car, but not before the teacher ruffled my hair with a smile. We had made it to the nearby hospital and gone right up to the third floor; the Maternity ward. When we got in the room, Mom had a little bundle resting on her chest that she and Dad were cooing at. It was the first time I had seen and held little Sammy.

I had to wonder if Cas had been watching me even back then. That thought should've freaked me about, even just a little bit, but it made my heart swell a tiny bit. It was comforting to know that I'd always had an Angel to watch over me, even though he couldn't really care.

And then, the earth was watching over me too, even now. She was trying to get rid of my sadness, and it worked just enough to stop me from trying to kill myself with holy water.

Because every second feels like I'm bleeding because I'm not with Sam and Ruby and Bobby and _Castiel_ and I'm not saving anyone by staying here but I can't leave without someone's help. And no one will come for me, and I'm letting people be killed by angry spirits and black dogs and vampires and I'm failing all over again.

My soul is stuck here, caught between the taunting Angelic sculptures and the gravestones and the **death** that surrounds it all. And I can't escape, because my soul is weak and I just can't, don't really want to because I'll have to deal with the stinging disappointment in everyone's eyes.

And then I have to wonder. If the Big Man upstairs really gave a shit about me, wouldn't He send someone straight here to find me? Because the Angels say that He sees all and knows you thought for thought. I must not be all that important to Him then, because I've been here for days without even one Heavenly whisper from above.

The only whispers that fill the air are my own.

The only noise that fills my ears are the earth murmurs.

The only sounds that fill my head is Cas singing.

Castiel. Castiel. Cas_tiel_. _Cas_tiel. I missed him. The way he would tilt his head, the innocent wideness to his beautiful blue eyes, how he would just appear next to me, the soothing deepness of his voice. I had been relying on his presence without even realizing it, but now the loss of him left me empty and hollow with a burning pain in my belly, like on Halloween when you scoop out a pumpkins guts and shove a candle or something inside it and leave it out in the cold.

I was like that one pumpkin that you forgot about when you were bringing them back inside. I was rotting from the inside out and it felt like I was freezing underneath my skin. It brought me a chilling numbness and I had to welcome it, because it was an okay change from the pain I couldn't help but feel. It made me able to just lay in the grass, wrapped up in flowers and vines beside my Mother's grave.

It couldn't keep my tears at bay, though, and I found myself crying again. Because I needed to be with someone, to keep myself out of my mind. When I was around people, I could stop thinking about how useless I was for a while. That's why I had always loved going to bars; the noise and all the people drowned me out.

But now, where all was silent and empty like I was, it all came back and I was trapped in it. Because I wanted Sammy to be here so we could argue and wrestle, I wanted Ruby to be here so we could fight, I wanted Bobby to be here to talk to me about how John was before Mom died.

I wanted Castiel to be here because I loved him more than life itself. And isn't that why I sacrificed myself? Because I loved him, _everyone_, and they needed to be able to live on happily without the threat of that bitch Lucifer.

Because they deserved a better saviour, and maybe they could give the glory of our win to Michael and Sam and Ruby. They had risked more than I had to save the human race and the earth herself, so who would I be to take the credit? I would be even bigger scum than I already am, and then I would have to die. More than now.

Electricity cackled along my nerves, begging to be let out. I made a fist out of my right hand and raised it toward the sky, and as soon as my palm faced up a bolt of lightning shot up into the sky. I watched in wonder as it triggered a rainless thunderstorm over the cemetery, trees and grass catching fire as the lightning hit them.

I closed my fist and raised the other hand, and by instinct I curled my fingers down to face the ground. Rain started falling in heavy sheets, dousing the flames and wetting everything around other than me. I brought my hands back down and everything stopped, becoming as calm as it had been before.

I sat up and dropped my hands onto my lap, staring down at them. I felt a small smile tugging at my lips. Little white flowers were growing in with the purple ones by my feet. Healing, Faith and Hope.

With a flutter of wings that seemed deafening in the silence, something landed behind me in the grass.


	6. I wear this crown of thorns

I could hear voices calling me from the other side of the clearing, but Dean's lips were turning blue as I traced them with my fingertips. It had been a month, and my vessel was close to dying. I couldn't do anything else but watch him, couldn't even speak or sleep or force myself to nourish Jeffrey's body. I needed to know his body was safe, felt it like the ache of a tooth being pulled. Or well, what I imagined it would feel like.

I saw Sam approaching in the distance with Ruby at his side, their hands clasped as they ran. My eyes focused on the pale purple of Dean's closed eyelids. I pushed myself closer to him and tightened my hand over the mark I had left.

I felt a small, warm hand touch my arm and I turned to face Ruby. Her face was lit up, her perfectly white teeth showing as she grinned. Her eyes were a soft yellowish brown, and it took me a moment to register the change. She was like Sam now, human with slight demonic powers. She was pretty this way, when I couldn't see and feel the sins that had once been printed onto her skin.

Sam was standing behind her with a grin to rival her own. His lips were stretched impossibly wide, his teeth glinting in the sunlight. His face wasn't tense with pain and fear, but relaxed with an undeniable happiness lining his features. I could suddenly see how he resembled Dean, from the soft green eyes to the way they walked. They were close, and closer than that because they were Dean and Sam, Sam and Dean, and that would never change.

"Cas, can you hear us? Are you doing okay?" I gave a weak nod of my head at Ruby's worried words, feeling every single hair on my head moving as I did.

"Oh, Cas! We have great news! They found him, they found Dean! It too-"

I drowned out Ruby's words as it started to sink in. Dean. They found him. Dean, Dean, Dean. Where did they find him, who found him, Dean Dean Dean. I couldn't believe it, but Sam was happy and smiling and Ruby was still babbling about it and I still couldn't believe it because it seemed too good to be true. Oh but I hoped it was true, with everything I had.

"-rance, Kansas. Michael felt a weird burst of power around there, and when he zapped us there we saw Dean's soul laying in the grass. As soon as Michael touched him he lost consciousness. He had to take him wherever, I can't remember, for some of the other Angels to check up on him. But they found him, they really did!"

I turned my attention back to Dean's body and found myself wondering what he would do when he was finally put back together. He would surely need to eat, and he would try and avoid talking to anyone about what he had done, and he would probably ask Sam where their latest hunt was. And I figured that I shouldn't be here, because he wouldn't want to see me because he'd think I didn't love him even though I did, so much more than an Angel was allowed to love anything.

It felt like a volcano had erupted inside of me. All my nerves where on fire, my body shaking, and I felt the tears come again. I had been crying almost constantly since the battle, since only moments after Dean sacrificed himself, and it still surprised me every second that my vessel's tear ducts hadn't yet dried up for the rest of eternity.

The portion of earth below Dean and I started buzzing, the flowers growing to an almost obnoxious size and brightening so much that it would seem blinding to normal humans. She was rejoicing, because she would have her Dean back, and so would I. She would no longer weep, and she would be able to take care of herself more than just around the two of us. She would stop looking for his soul, because it would be coming back to his body.

The sound of fluttering wings came from all around, and suddenly the clearing was filled with my brothers and sisters. The air I was breathing in was stuffy from all the happy voices, exclaiming loudly in my silence ridden ears. I felt sharp pains in my ears that traveled to my head, making the blood pound harshly in my veins.

My body felt sluggish and heavy as I struggled to untangle myself from the spider webbing plants that covered me. As soon as I was free, I sat up and scooted over so that I was leaning slightly over Dean. His eyelids were a darker purple now, his lips blue and white along the edges. Hi cheeks looked sunken and his hair was messy and greasy. I loved him so much.

When I felt the hands on my arms, I started struggling fiercely because I knew what they were doing. They didn't want me to be around Dean, didn't want me to taint him further. They didn't want be to be there when his soul was put back inside of him, they didn't want me to be in love with him.

And then Michael was standing in front of me. His eyes were hard but there was an underlining softness that made me cease my rabid jerks in seconds. He lifted a hand and touched his fingers to my forehead, and immediately I felt a subtle calmness invading my senses. I felt like cursing him, lashing out, but I took it as the gift he wished it to be.

"Castiel, my brother, you know I don't want to take you away right now. But we, none of us, can be here when his body regains his soul. He could destroy us all, even Sam and Ruby. We must all go to safety, and when his powers calm we shall come back. Do you understand me, fratello?" his voice was soft in my abused ears, and I nodded. He pulled me into his arms and I leaned against him lightly.

I saw Jazzy, one of the younger Angels, move towards Dean's body. She nodded at the rest of us and my vision went white as the scenery changed abruptly. In my head I could see her releasing Dean's soul and then she was next to us, smiling at me softly. I looked away.

We were surrounded by crosses and candles and colourfully tinted windows and I could only guess that we were in a church. It wasn't a holly church by any means, but it seemed to put the others more at ease than if we were simply gathered out in the open. People would've thought it suspicious to see so many Angelic looking people standing and sitting together, one of them shaking and crying violently.

Michael's shirt was soaked with my tears, and I brought my sleeve up to wipe at my cheeks. Most of my company were watching me with soft smiles, speaking to each other in low, happy voices. I forced myself to remember that I wasn't the only one who had been hit hard by the four week long loss of Dean.

But I had been there since the beginning, even longer than Sam, so I guess I felt some sort of right to be this depressed, this withdrawn. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't help it. I loved Dean Winchester. I suddenly realized that I loved him more than my Father.

There was no other moment than now during the past month, four weeks, thirty two days, seven hundred and sixty eight hours, forty six thousand and eighty minutes, two million seven hundred and sixty four thousand eight hundred _seconds_ that I had felt so desperate to have Dean back, to hold him in my arms, to tell him how much I love him, to just be there and make him feel loved and force him to realize that I care.

During the time spent near him in the clearing, the earth had taught me the many languages spoken on her plains. I was fluent in a lot of them, and now all I could do was repeat phrase over phrase in my head like a mantra until I ran out of words in one language and skipped into the next.

Because I was about to have Dean back. Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean. Dean Winchester, the boy (man) I had been watching since his birth. The man that had saved me, and later on saved the whole planet and the Heavenly plains above from demons. The being I fell in love with so early on, only truly realizing it after fifteen years of his life.

And I couldn't help but feel like the biggest cradle robber in the history of the Human race.

But I loved him.


	7. I just keep losing my beat

I had to guess that I had fallen asleep in Michael's arms, because the next time I opened my eyes we were the only two left in the church. Even Sam and Ruby were gone. I looked over to the grandfather clock in the corner. I had slept for just barely twenty minutes. I didn't feel any better than I had before, and none of my anxiety had evaporated during my minutes of rest.

And then, like an electric shock along every nerve in my weak body, I realized why everyone had left. Dean had to be awake! Dean, Dean, Dean. _My_ Dean. I started squirming in Michael's soft grasp, lifting my head to look him in the eye. His face was bright, his soft brown eyes and gentle smile calming my struggles into what surely had to be a pout. I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to it.

"Yes, he's awake. He woke up fifteen minutes ago." Fifteen. The age Dean had been when I truly realized how deep my love for him ran. It soaked into the core of the earth and made it thrum with life.

"Take me to him." It was meant as a command, but it fell from my lips as a desperate plea. It reflected into Michael's eyes as he nodded his head once.

His hold on me tightened and my sight was filled with an overpowering whiteness. In a matter of seconds we were back in the field. Where Lucifer had risen. Where Lucifer had fallen. Where Dean had sacrificed himself for the good of all humanity. Where I had spent a month watching over him nonstop. Where the only thing that had polluted the fresh air was the sound of my voice, be it when I was screaming and sobbing out my anguish or singing to Dean.

Where Dean was sitting now, cradled in Sam's arms with Ruby beside them, her hand on his back. My brothers and sisters were sitting all around them with plates of food for Dean.

Michael let me go and joined them, starting up a conversation with Jazzy. I moved back a few steps and sat in the lush grass. As if they had a life of their own, my knees found themselves pressed to my chest and my arms were wrapping around them.

I was too overwhelmed to go over to them, too scared to be around Dean. Dean, Dean. Dean who was suddenly alive again, _breathing_. Thump thump, thump thump. He was back, and I felt the twisted wires of agony untangling and smoothing out, feeling like bubbles and rainbows and butterflies and _happy_ inside of me.

Because Dean was okay. He wasn't gone anymore. He was back for Sam, for Bobby, even for Ruby. And I hoped I was part of that, if small, list of important people. Because he was the most important living being to me. No one could compare to him, because he was beautiful and perfect and _Dean_.

Dean, Dean, Dean.

I loved Dean.

He made me think of flowers. He was just like them. Pretty and complex. Like a flower's petals, he got darker and more beautiful and brighter the closer you got to his center, his soul. He was delicate, too. It didn't show on the outside, but inside he was. Beneath all the barbed wire surrounding his heart, he was sentimental and gentle and loving and delicate.

My Dean.

And then I suddenly noticed that I had been staring past everyone, my eyes running over any part of Dean that I could see from across the clearing. From his messy hair to his bare arms to his torn up jeans to his covered feet. He was eating like a starving man, and he pretty much was. He'd been out of his body for a month, his _dead_ body. It needed to be fed, to have enough energy to stay awake. Awake for us.

A quorum of ravens flew past in the sky, and my eyes followed them in an almost reluctant way because I never wanted to take my eyes off of Dean. I almost wished I was one of them, big and black and _free_. Completely free to do as I pleased, fly high up in the sky with no worries. I knew being with Dean would be better than that, but I didn't know if he truly wanted that. What if the words 'I love you' had been a mistake for him, a lie?

What if he had just said them so someone would remember him?

Because he thought he wasn't worth it, thought he shouldn't have been saved from the horrors Hell had thrust upon him. He thought that no one truly cared, that we just wanted him to save the human race and that then everyone would abandon him like a murderer would abandon the corpse of one of his victims. Despite that, he would've wanted to be remembered for something other than saving the world from the Apocalypse. He would've wanted to be remembered for something strange or insane.

And that's what loving an Angel was, wasn't it? Insane, irrational, bizarre, stupid, shallow.

No, it really wasn't. Because we had faults and secrets and shames, just like humans. We were just made different, with a different thought in mind during our creation. We were made first, but we were always destined to watch over the humans, our Father's second creations. Because we weren't as good as them, and he had known that soon after making us.

So, if Dean really did love me, what was wrong with it?

Nothing, because I was like him, but he was superior.

_The course of true love never did run smooth._ It had been my favourite Shakespearian phrase since the moment I had heard it, and I felt like it applied here. Dean had died, I was an Angel, we had fought in the Apocalypse, most thought it was wrong.

It was like going over a patch of ice in the skating rink that was rough and cut up, like driving off the side of the road onto the uneasy terrain of a field, like flying in a plane with unsteady wings.

It was scary, but worth it.

Because I loved him. Dean, Dean, Dean.

His eyes met mine from across the field and I felt my breath catch painfully in my throat. His deep green eyes held mine captive, and I was sure that wasn't needed because I never planned on locking my gaze elsewhere. It felt like I could see into his mind just by looking into his eyes. I actually could do that, but I wouldn't do it without his permission.

I watched as he pulled himself out of Sam's arms and stood under the watchful gaze of everyone present. He was unsteady on his feet, his legs shaking and his body tilting dangerously as he tried to walk towards me. He was still as beautiful as ever, with his hair in a mess atop his head and his clothes rumpled.

I was about to stand to go to him, but again Michael beat me to it. In seconds he was beside Dean with his arm around his waist and then he was walking more steadily, and I felt a stab of jealousy and pain. I quickly shook it away though, because this was Michael. He knew that I loved Dean and that Dean loved me and I knew that he wouldn't do that.

I stood anyways and waited for them to reach me. It was slow, but time didn't matter anymore, not a bit. Because we had spent so long apart and now he was back and it just didn't matter.

Michael went back to sit with Jazzy as soon as they were close enough and he deemed Dean capable of making it easily the rest of the way. We just stood there for I couldn't tell how long, and I didn't care. We were watching each other, our eyes following every single small movement and it felt like someone was squeezing the air out of my lungs with a chain wrapped in poisoned barbed wire.

Then, before I could really register it, Dean was pushing into my arms. He was clinging tightly to me, his arms wrapped firmly around my waist. I laid one hand on his hip and lifted the other to caress his hair softly, pressing my cheek against his. The stubble covering his skin thinly felt perfect. I breathed in his scent and closed my eyes.

A myriad of emotions were pulsing through my veins, and I hopped that Dean felt it too. It was ecstasy, happiness, euphoria and a certain disbelief all rolled into one. It was gathered between us, weighing down in a weightless perfection that held no sense, no logic.

Because it was me and Dean. Dean and Castiel. A hunter and his Angel. An Angel and his charge. Two beings, two hearts. One love.

I let myself fall back into the grass, taking the full weight of the fall. I rolled onto my side and laid Dean down on his back. I let my fingers trace over him. I ran my fingers through his hair, over his eyebrows and cheekbones and nose and lips, down the side of his face until I reached the soft, smooth skin of his neck. I rested my fingers over the large artery there, feeling my heart swell at the almost erratic throb.

I brought my hand back up to his cheek and cupped it, turning his head so that he was fully facing me and his body followed on instinct. I leaned forward and pressed our foreheads together, looking into his eyes. I saw the happiness and love dwelling there and smiled, rubbing my nose against his softly just before we let our lips connect between us.

It was just a small, gentle and loving kiss. We didn't move our lips, not because we didn't want to but because we didn't need to, not now. We stayed that way for what could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, complete eras. Our lips separated occasionally, but then we were smiling and pressing them back together within seconds.

When we pulled apart for good, our lips were darker than they had been earlier and they were stretched into impossible smiles. Our legs were entwined, our bodies pushed close together. My hand was still holding his cheek, my thumb rubbing small circles at the corner of his lips.

"I love you."

Our voices melded together, and then we were laughing, clinging to each other and rolling around in the lush grass and flowers. We were pressing kisses to every inch of each others faces and hands, smiling and crying.

Michael and Jazzy and Sam and Ruby and Bobby and _everyone_, they were cheering and laughing along with us. Sam and Ruby's hands were clasped together and they had tears in their eyes, looking at each other with soft smiles.

Dean's eyes were shinning brightly, beautifully. He was smiling. He was watching me, his family, my brothers and sisters, the sky, the grass. The world.

Our fingers brushed each other and entwined.

"I love you, Dean. I love you I love you I love you I love you." It felt like there was a lump in my throat. But I was happy.

And I loved Dean.

"I love you too, Cas."

It was the first time since the battle that anyone had called me that, and I was happy about it. Because it was Dean.

And Dean loved me.


	8. BlaspheME, BlaspheYOU

Castiel was so perfect. I couldn't keep my hands and lips off him, and I guessed it came from the disbelief that he would actually want to be with me. I needed to make sure that he was actually there with me, that it wasn't just my imagination trying to make up for the loss.

By the way he was moaning and kissing me, I figured that it was really him. He had one hand fisted in my hair, the other down at my hips with his fingers curled through one of the worn belt loops. His tongue was exploring my mouth, rubbing teasingly against my own and I had to wonder if he'd ever kissed anyone else before, because his was the best mouth I'd ever had pressed up so close to mine.

I forced myself to pull away from his lips and traced his face with my fingertips. I could feel every pore, every miniscule soft hair donning his perfect skin. It made my whole body tingle pleasantly, and I let my hand drop as I laid on top of him an rested my chin on his chest, just looking into his eyes with a small smile stretching out my lips.

His left hand was spread out over the small of my back, his right carding through my hair gently. He was smiling, just the corners of his lips quirked up, his eyes just barely crinkled up. The fading soft orange light bathing over us made his beautiful blue eyes seem to glow. The multitude of flowers around us couldn't even compare.

The sight of him stole my breath away completely, and it felt like I was trapped in his eyes. The deep, gorgeous blue was drawing me in, wrapping around me like a big cotton blanket. It felt like warmth and alone time and_ love_.

I leaned in to kiss him softly, and then again, and again, and again. Just like the pattern of a chain link fence. The same thing over and over in a never ending cycle.

Except for this cycle did end. It ended when Castiel moved his hand down from my hair to wrap it around my shoulders and rolled us over so that my back was pressed into the grass. His left arm was curled around my waist, the hand at the end of the other cradling the back of my neck. His body was pressed flush against mine, the heat radiating from his skin seeping through his three layers of clothes and my thin t-shirt to soak into me.

He tilted his head to the side and smiled, then leaned over and bumped our noses together. His soft lips brushed over my cheeks and over the corner of my lips before they trailed down my jaw to my neck. He licked over my pulse point teasingly, latching onto my skin and sucking lightly.

He pulled away from me and I sat up, tugging my shirt over my head. I threw it away and grabbed at his coat. I smirked and glared at the material, watching in fascination as blue flames danced along the three layers covering his torso, disintegrating them one by one. I quickly did the same to his pants and briefs while he was watching me in pure wonder.

I couldn't hold back my loud groan at the sight of him. His body looked completely different from when he had his clothes on. It was even better than in my dreams. His skin was slightly tanned, stretched over his muscled body in a perfect way. There was a trail of dark hair leading down from his bellybutton, and I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and touching him.

The best part though, was the mark he had on his right arm. I slid my right hand up and grinned, because it fit perfectly over it. I felt the skin of my hand start to tingle, but it stopped as Castiel pushed my hands away and started fiddling with the button of my jeans. I could've just burnt them off myself, but I was frozen in the intensity of my arousal.

He rolled us back over and tugged my jeans down to my knees, scooting down to suck at one of my hip bones. He licked down from there until he reached the hem of my boxer-briefs. He looked up at me and smirked before scooting lower and burying his face in the material. He licked at my cloth covered erection and then wrapped his lips around it, just barely moving them and blowing hot air over me.

He hooked his fingers under the waistband and tugged them down, grabbing hold of my jeans on the way and chucking them off to the side. He crawled back on top of me and pressed his lips to mine, grinding against me slowly. I groaned and bucked up, spreading my legs so that he could settle between them.

I growled when he pulled away again, but promptly blushed when he grabbed at my thighs and pushed my legs further apart. I almost died from embarrassment when vines shot up from the ground and curled around my legs, holding me like that. Cas just smirked and since I wasn't all that flexible, my back kinda ached when he shifted us so that my ass was high off the ground.

The vines moved again to keep me there, and I glared at them.

But then, when fingers were dragging over my entrance, I closed my eyes and whimpered. He put the smallest amount of pressure and started rubbing in circles, and I couldn't stop myself from bucking my hips up against them. I felt him smirk against my thigh as he planted a kiss there and pushed one of his fingers inside.

After just barely a few moments the finger was pulled out and just as I was about to protest, something hot and wet pushed into me and I gave a loud, startled gasp. I distantly thought about telling him to stop, but it felt so _good_ and my skin was tingling with static and my legs were trembling.

My head tilted back and through the haze of pleasure I could see dark clouds rolling in the sky. Soon enough almost the whole sky was covered, letting barely any of the fading light through its thick veil. I could hear a loud rumbling from behind the clouds and the hair on my arms was standing on end.

Then Cas was pulling his tongue out and shoving two fingers back in and my hips jerked. He started thrusting them in and out slowly, but it quickly sped up and every time he pulled them out he would twist his wrist and every few thrusts he would stop with them buried in as far as they could go and curl the tips against my prostate.

The loud rumbling in the sky dulled down when he pulled his fingers out once more, but then intensified insanely when the vines fell away and he grabbed my thighs, pushing between them and rubbing the tip of his cock over my hole. My skin felt like it was on fire where he touched me, and when I forced my eyes open and looked there was bright silvery flames dancing along us where our bodies met, flickering with every single miniscule movement.

The jumping flames twisted and turned bright red as he pressed forward and his head popped inside easily and I moaned, lifting one hand to grab at his back. He leaned down and licked at my lips, the change in position pushing him deeper inside me and he jerked his hips until he was as deep as he could go. Deep, deep, deep. _Deep_.

Rain started pouring down in heavy sheets when he pulled back and thrust back inside, starting up a shaky, hesitant rhythm. I scratched my nails down his back and felt electric shocks bounce between us as we rubbed and ground our bodies together, the hot throbbing of his cock inside me making me moan and pant like a cheap whore.

By the sounds he made in response, I knew Cas loved it.

His hands were slipping in the mud and eventually he gave up on the ground and grabbed at my hips with his slick hands, pulling our lower halves tighter together to roll his hips, pressing hard against my sweet spot. I groaned and lifted my legs, wrapping them tight around his waist and bucking up repeatedly.

The pace quickened in mere moments, Cas' hips slamming forward against mine, the raining drowning most of our pants and moans. High above, lightning streaked across the sky and I was being turned onto my hands and knees even before the crack of thunder was heard. He thrust back in roughly with a feral growl and my hands gripped uselessly at the muddy earth beneath us, my head hanging between my shoulders.

I found myself begging for him, for anything, for harder and faster and deeper and _oh God!_ everything.

Lightning flashed and streaked and spider webbed along the dark clouds with every hard jab to my prostate, my arms shaking until they finally gave out and my upper body fell into the mud, my face pressed to the cold wetness. I was panting and moaning and pushing back against him wantonly, and I couldn't bring myself to feel ashamed.

He was groaning hotly and gripping my right hip tightly, his other hand on the mark he left on my arm. I felt a ball of heat twist in my belly and shocks of electricity crackled almost painfully on my skin as the lightning struck the ground, a rainbow of colors dancing around us.

Four more hard, erratic thrusts and I couldn't hold back anymore. A bolt of pure white lightning struck us as I let out a scream so loud I thought the ground was shaking, and as the deafening thunder clap sounded I felt Cas' hot cum coat my insides.

The clouds in the sky disappeared just as quickly as they came, leaving behind a deep blue curtain sprinkled with bright stars. We dropped into the mud and I felt Cas' arms wrap around me, pulling my tight to his chest. I nuzzled my face into his smooth skin and let out a satisfied purr. Cas let out a startled chuckle and kissed my forehead and cheeks, caressing my face as he leaned in to plant his lips on mine.

"Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.. ooh, the more I get of you, stranger it feels, yeah.. now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grey.."

"I love you too." I mumbled, my arm tightening around him.

My Angel.

My beautiful Castiel.


End file.
